May you live in interesting times
by Lilla
Summary: OK this is a sort of a crossover with ranma 1/2 craziness abounds. Yaoi and het of sorts... If it can be called het.
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** "May you live in interesting times" 

** Author: **Lilla. 

** Category:** Comic/Crossover/Hentai. 

** Warnings:** PG13 

** Pairings:** YxA, SxA. 

** Disclaimer:** OK let's do this once more! I don't own Ranma duh! I only think I own Weiss when asleep and dreaming! I am awake and just having a little fun so I am currently very much aware that none of the following characters have anything at all to do with me. But please, can I play a little with them? 

** Author's Note**: Craziness by the shovel full ! Abuse of Weiss characters, fusion of Weiss characters with Ranma ones… (Having said that OOC is about a given.) 

Oh a few spoilers for both animes will probably show up, but seeing as the situations will have nothing to do with those of the actual series you should be safe. 

** Please watch out for the rating** in each chapter as they probably will fluctuate between PG13 and NC-17! Also this is a **yaoi** fic so don't like, don't read! It is also a het fic, though technically it would still be yaoi… or maybe not… mmh better stop trying to figure this out before I get a headache. 

Still here? Oh my, courageous aren't you? Well in that case onwards to see more of Ayan's exciting new life… 

A terrified Ayan is seen running away from all the Weiss cast; he seems to be shouting `I didn't do a thing'. A furious Aya-chan wielding a mallet clobbers him to the ground shouting baka while an all for nothing fight breaks out. 

Lilla *sweatdrops* `No worries they are just getting in their new character roles…' 

Many thanks to **Sardius **and** Neko** for the beta reading; an applause for the two great gals who risked life and limb (not to mention sanity) to read this thing. As always any remaining errors are mine! Mine I said! 

_ Character's Thoughts_

_ `Mind-speech' _

** Prologue: Here comes Aya!**

It was a fairly hot summer afternoon when Fujimiya Ranma, better known as Ran to all his friends, numbering as of now a great total of zero, just because he forbore himself the use of negative numbers, made his way to his new place of employment. 

Everything he had touched in the last few years had inexplicably blown up in his face. First there had been his family. He had barely returned home after a ten year training trip his mother had sent him on, when his father managed to piss off some hotshot gangster who then bombed their house. Ranma had gotten out unscathed, as was to be expected seeing as he was rather inured to explosions, beatings and all around physical abuse, but his family hadn't been as lucky. 

His father and Mother had died immediately, and his beloved imouto had been put in a coma, and all because of one measly chunk of concrete Ranma would have brushed off as if a fly. He had been training for ten years to become a `real man', and in the space of ten minutes, he had looked on incredulous as his family was hurt, without his being able of doing a thing to save them. 

_ It really sucks to be me!_ Considered the saddened young man, who had put up with ten years of training he didn't even want to think about, with a one time flame of his Okaasan, a idiotic, dishonest, good for nothing moron, that had gotten him in more trouble than a stray had flies, and he couldn't even manage to stop one measly explosion. And now his loved ones were dead. 

OK, maybe loved ones was too strong a word… His parents were strangers. Fairly irresponsible and scatterbrained strangers, judging by whom they had put in charge of their only son and heir. 

His sister, though, had been a real nice girl. Never mind that he had teased her mercilessly and called her kawaiikune[0], tomboy and all sorts of other things, going even as far as to suggest that he was more feminine and better looking than her, which was true but was also beside the point; he had loved her dearly. In the little time they had spent together, she had also managed to make him feel accepted and not too much of a freak, in spite of his `little' problems… 

And now the girl was in a coma, never to be energetic or to serve as a buffer between him and normal people ever again, nor to help him make a conversation which didn't consist of silence or snide remarks. And what was worse was that they needed money, good money in order to pay for the hospital bill, and would continue to need that for the foreseeable future. 

Given Ran's `impressive' personal skills, there was no question of his finding any normal employment; the only thing he could do was insult or fight people… not the best material for your average salaryman, not to mention that salaryman pay would hardly suffice to take care Aya-chan's hospital bills. So the kenkaku[1] cum martial artist had found one occupation that required exactly his marketable skills: insulting, snide remarks to goad your opponent and fighting. He had felt a little uneasy at twisting the precepts of his budo in such a way, but had reasoned that, if you kill the bad people, then you are still protecting the weak, as is a true martial artist's duty. 

_ Plus they offered me a cure! There is nothing I wouldn't do for a cure! _

It was then, as he glanced at the street numbers, that he realised the shop where he was to pretend to work must be in the neighbourhood. Looking around critically, he could see nothing but for a flower shop filled to its maximum with screaming cooing girls. 

_ Damn real scary place that one!_ Observed to himself the redhead, scratching nervously the back of his head, where just a few weeks ago his trademark braid used to hang down to his shoulders. A second look at the street around him revealed to our hero that there was no other shop for several blocks at least. 

_ Shit!!! I have to work in there?!!! No way! I am a guy, not a pansy! I can't work in a shop called the K-Kitten in the House! I am a real man and … and…_

I don't want to go in there; those girls will eat me alive!! 

_ `Real courageous of you, bishonen… truly amazing, your strength of heart! Still so sure you don't want to let me get you out of your troubles? You know what I want from you!'_ the mental voice had an almost distinct leer to it as it echoed inside the spooked redhead's mind. 

_ Oh damn it! Listen you lech, you aren't my fiancé! You killed my parents, my shishiou[2], well that was actually a favour you did to me, and almost did kill my sister, isn't that enough?! Plus I am not even a girl?! How the heck can you want to marry me because of a false engagement that idiot of my trainer stipulated with your father?!_

_ `Oh, I don't mind your being a guy actually, that is quite a good thing… unexpected but really positive.' _

_ Uh_ was all the answer Ran's mind could eloquently supply to that somewhat disturbing pronouncement. 

_ `As for your family… My bomb didn't kill them, their deaths were due to the 40 kilos of explosive my employer managed to have placed in your parent's basement! And may I point out that accepting to store just a few sports equipment which were covered with symbols reading: dangerous, handle with care, flammable and explosive was a bit idiotic even for your trainer? Especially in exchange for a couple bowls of rice… Oh well and a pickle too, let's not forget that!'_

Still it was all your employer's fault and you are guilty by association; plus what you are suggesting is well… exciting, supplied Ran's mind before he could finish somewhat lamely with _sick._

The faint chuckle in the telepath's mind voice indicated all too clearly that the slip had been heard and acknowledged. Still, the blasted psycho had apparently had enough of tormenting, or seducing, it all depends on whose point of view you are considering, his sweet bishonen, as with a faint _`Will talk to you later'_ the man's presence faded away. 

On the spur of the murderous rage the damn telepath had managed to inspire in Ran's mind, he decided to go immediately inside to confront his destiny, and the scary horde of girls. The faint cringe the redhead indulged in as he entered the packed shop was thankfully covered by the impressive poker face he had acquired in his long ago training, for a match of anything goes martial art card cheating.[3] 

As soon as a somewhat frazzled and worse for wear, embraced and groped actually, Ranma made his way up to the counter, however, the day went down the proverbial drain once more. 

The stocky brunet the redhead approached to ask if they were waiting for a new hired help turned around and upon seeing him, exploded, "You?!!! Ahahahahah! Finally I meet you again! You won't escape me this time, you coward! Fujimiya Ranma, because of you I have seen Hell! Prepare to die." 

With that somewhat daunting pronouncement, the brunette went for the jugular, literally, of his adversary totally disregarding the soft "Oh my, Ken-kun, can we not discuss this peacefully?" The other young florist present in the shop, a small delicate looking blond boy, had softly uttered. 

As the beleaguered Ranma defended himself from his aggressor, who looked actually pretty familiar, but whose identity still escaped him, and the frightened girls who tried to use the confusion to cope a feel, he fumed as he considered the accusation of cowardice. His time with his family, though made him more sensitive to the fact that in such a situation the best tactic was to remain silent, so as to avoid any putting foot in mouth possibility, and try to not get mauled. 

While Ran was doing his best to avoid the thrown punches of the furious Ken, looking like a kangaroo crossed with a cheetah on acid in the process, the young boy managed to get all the drooling girls out of the shop. 

By the time he got back, the worse had already happened, fighting too close to one of the water cans the combatants had upended it, getting splashed with the cold water inside. The results weren't pretty, considered half amusedly the blonde re-entering the shop and looking at the somewhat comical scene before his eyes. Then with a faint shake of his head and a consideration that this time there was no way they could keep their second cursed companion's secret from being discovered by the always oblivious Yohji, the fourth member of their little group of assassin, the young boy went upstairs to heat up a kettle of water. 

While he was gone, downstairs in the shop, the battle raged on up to the point where one of the combatants, in an attempt to get rid of the other, who was determinably attached to an already aching head, managed to brain the two of them against the wall, knocking himself out at the same time as he got rid of his adversary. 

At that very moment, a blond playboy who usually worked, or rather loitered inside the Koneko, flirting with pretty girls of age, came down the street nursing a somewhat impressive hangover. His green eyes were half shut against the late afternoon light in spite of the light brown shades he wore on his aristocratic nose. 

The lack of any decent companionship the man had had to endure, in spite of his incredible good looks, had put him in a fairly disagreeable mood, so that he had managed to get himself kicked out of his usual haunt much earlier than usual. Nearing the shop, his mood took another turn for the worse as he realised that no girl was to be seen inside and that most of the shop was totalled as if there had been a fight inside. 

_ Great, _considered the curly haired blond with a grimace, either their new team-mate was so butt ugly that the girls had run away in fear at seeing him, or that idiot Hidaka had picked another fight. 

With a sigh, the man entered the shop and found his gaze falling on a vision of loveliness unparalleled by any other. A young, small red haired girl was lying on the floor; her clothing, somewhat in disarray, exposing a faint hint of the most luscious pair of breasts the playboy had seen in a long, long time. Her hair was the colour of fresh blood, and her complexion so pale that the faint outline of azure veins could be seen. 

_ What a homecoming!!_ Nearly whistled the man as he immediately approached the girl lying on the ground to cope a feel, erm offer his assistance. 

Having determined that his Goddess had simply suffered a bump on the head, the playboy carefully gathered the petite redhead in his arms, and bore her upstairs to his apartment. 

There would be time enough the following morning to determine what exactly had happened in the shop, decided the blond as he almost tripped on a little black shape that was lying on the floor. The faint "beeeew" the little shape emitted was, however, unnoticed as the girl chose to murmur softly "Aya" just in that moment. 

The playboy smiled happily, and oblivious to the fact that his conquest was quite unconscious, said "Oh pleased to meet you Aya, I am Yohji, want to be my girlfriend?" The faint "Mmmh" the girl made regaining consciousness having been interpreted as an assent, the resident Don Juan proceeded to seal their agreement with a searing kiss. 

It was then that a pair of unusual violet eyes opened very, very wide. 

TBC? 

Do I continue this? 

** Notes:**

[0] Kawaiikune not cute, uncute, ugly. 

[1] kenkaku = swordsman… I think… 

[2] shishiou = master/teacher. 

[3] Sorry couldn't resist… But that hardly qualifies as a Ranma spoiler right? 

OK Hope you enjoyed this completely nut thing my Muse and Sense of Humour insisted I had to write. 

Lilla: Sense of Humour, for having me gotten involved in writing a third fic prepare to die! 

Ehm anyway I was saying please leave a comment to let me know whether you liked it, hated it or simply think I should be committed! 


	2. A girl with a kettle and a wall

**Title:** "May you live in interesting times"

**Author: **Lilla.

**Category:** Comic/Crossover/Hentai.

**Warnings:** PG13

**Pairings:** YxA, SxA.

**Disclaimer:** OK let's do this once more! The characters featured in this fanfic aren't mine. Suing me would be useless seeing as I am beyond broke at present! So be nice and let me just enjoy myself a little, please? 

**Author's Note**: Craziness by the shovel full ! Abuse of Weiss characters, fusion of Weiss characters with Ranma ones… (Having said that OOC is about a given.) 

You read the first instalment and came back for more? Well in that case I probably won't have to worry about frightening you… Evil Kodachi like laughter echoes.

A heavily bandaged Yohji is seen running after a female Aya/Ran, "Oh my Goddess, please come back to this most faithful of your worshippers!" 

Lilla *sweatdrops* 'No worries they are just getting in their new character roles…'

Many thanks to **Sardius**and** Neko for the beta reading; an applause for the two great gals who risked life, limb and sanity to read a second chapter of this thing. As always any remaining errors are mine, feel free to point them out!**

Anyone wants a table of the fused characters to know what they are getting  into? Let me know and I shall put it up with the next chapter!

Having said all that hope you'll enjoy! And don't forget to let me know what you think!

Character's Thoughts 'Mind-speech' 

**Chapter one: A girl without the kettle and a wall!**

The resident Don Juan proceeded to seal their 'agreement' with a searing kiss. 

 It was then that a pair of unusual violet eyes opened very, very wide.

Upstairs in the somewhat dingy kitchen of the rooms above the Koneko, a young blonde was heating up a kettle beaming at the thought of getting a new Nii-Neesan. While he waited for the water to heat up, however, a furious shout of 'Hentai' followed by the noise of several pots breaking disturbed the relative quiet of the late afternoon. 

As he hastened to return to the shop leaving the now unwatched and thus blowing kettle behind, he narrowly missed being hit by a sort of vaguely human shaped missile, which, after impacting with the skylight, kept soaring higher and higher till it was nothing more than a faint black spec.   

_Wonder what it was… it seemed to be man shaped and I could have sworn that it was crying out something… something like Aayaaaa?_ Thought the young blond, while smiling sweetly if a bit obliviously.

Since no more noise seemed to be forthcoming from the shop and the shrill cry of the kettle was now making itself heard, Omi returned to the kitchen to pick up the house's most used electric appliance.

As he made his way down stairs though, he narrowly missed being impacted by the projectile on its return trip. With a shrill final "YAAA" minna no Kudoh Yohji landed head first in the pile of ceramic pots by the counter, and after flopping weakly in an attempt to get up, lay dazed on the floor.

With a chirpy "Yohji-kun are you all right?", Omi approached the older blond, soon enough to be reassured by the latter's moaning  of, "such a wonderful and lovely redheaded girl. And so shy, she was overwhelmed by my kiss…" His trying to get up once more, however, resulted in him weakly uttering a reassurance that "it didn't hurt any" and  passing out.

Given that nothing vital seemed to have been damaged with Yohji-kun, Omi decided that he had better take care of Ken-kun's little problem first thing. 

There would be time enough later on to get Birman-san to drag Yohji-kun to the doctor if the chain-smoker had managed to acquire another concussion. It hadn't looked like a particularly hard hit; that Asuka girl, whose behind Yohji-kun kept touching, had brained him much harder just last week, after all. 

On a side note, considered Omi, as he carefully sidestepped the heaving red-faced and red haired girl, Fujimiya Ranma if he had gotten the name correctly, to make his way to the still knocked out Ken-kun, they probably should stop making use of Birman-san's services seeing the price they came at.

A little hot water afterwards and carefully looking away from the all too nice view of his favourite jock's chest, Omi decided that maybe telling something to reassure the still struck dumb girl in the middle of the shop might be a good idea. After all, the young teen could imagine all too well what must have transpired while he was heating up the water.

"Uhm Miss?… Ran… erm Fujimiya-san this is Yohji-kun, our other co-worker," he started, indicating the wasted pile of human flesh lying amidst the scattered pots, "he is a raving sex maniac but if you give him a chance he can be very, very nice…"

Feeling that truth demanded he better explain that last statement, Omi felt the need to add, "to ladies especially… Or so he says."

Seeing as that statement did nothing to apparently reassure the still hyperventilating girl, and thinking that maybe her distress originated from the earlier assault, the smiling youth continued with the formal introductions. "And this is Hidaka Ken-kun. He is a violent maniac, as you must know by now, but he too has his good points. He… trains a lot," finished somewhat lamely the still smiling Omi.

As a last resort to snap his future co-worker out of his/her nearly catatonic state, Omi poured the last of the water on her head, watching in near awe the cutsey girl turn into a stunning man.

He shouldn't have bothered with speech, not a word of what he had said had registered on Ranma's mind, filled as it was with the image of a man kissing and even worse groping… HIM, as he now was. 

_And it was my first kiss too and it should have been given to_… cried out Ranma's mind.

'Y_our cute fiancé'_ interjected an all too obviously pissed off mental voice.

While most people upon hearing a voice in their head would have concluded that they had bashed their head much too hard during the former fight, that statement gave assurance to Ran that all of his nightmarish recollection had indeed taken place. 

He, Fujimiya Ranma, heir to the Formless Style anything goes blah-blah-blah, the fact that he could no longer recount the whole denomination of his school an indication of his extreme mental distress, school of martial art had been kissed by a MAN in a FLOWER shop!

_This is not manly_ came from another little voice, this one sounding like his mother. As that reproving statement echoed in his head, our hero came to and had visual confirmation of the horrid truth.

A blond carcass was coming to and moaning something about his redheaded onna's[1] gentle love taps. 

Under such duress Ranma did the only thing possible, for him. With a manly shout, of  "Shi-ne!" he started walking very quickly in a random direction in order to 'retreat' from such a crushing humiliation and to find his katana so as to skewer the damned hentai monster.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, or else this story would probably have ended here with our hero running off into the sunset, or else killing gruesomely his love interest, Ranma ended up 'walking' in a random direction which housed a wall. Even more unfortunately, taking in consideration some of the clientele of the shop, said shop's walls were reinforced with cast iron plaques.  

So it was that our hero only succeeded in braining himself even more solidly and falling once more to the ground right on top of another water can.

With a benign smile, Omi considered that having Yusenkyo cursed people in a flower shop was a mark of a sadistic mind directing their team, this before patting gently the fallen girl's bangs back into place and making his way to the kitchen to heat up another kettle.

In the meantime, an old wizened woman, carrying an orange furred tabby cat and leaning heavily on a gnarled walking stick, made her way to her beloved flower shop. Today her old failure of a trainee should have sent the new recruit over. 

She was impatient to see how this Ran kid would hold out against herself. It was rumoured that the boy had had some interesting training… 

As she entered the shop, though, her smile faded to be replaced by a stony expression. Whoever had totalled her shop would find his life to be very interesting indeed, as an old Chinese curse was wont to say…

TBC?

**Notes:**

[1] Onna = woman

Coming next… Oh heck I don't know! Will see what the Muse and the readers like and probably write that one… 

For Portrait lovers, though, it seems that the sequel will coming soon.

**Answers:**

Many thanks to **tlb** for the pointers. Hope you will agree with the others fusions I have made…

Erm sorry for the Schu-schu in there **Pax **but well by my count Ayan is still missing a couple 'girlfriends' and well Uk… erm Schuldig isn't going to go away. I am quite sure that compared to the other two forerunners Yotan will have to deal with for the boy's affections you will like him… 

Yeah Ken gets stuck as Ryoga! **Mon** but no worries he will still be his 'cute' porcine self. 

**Sardius**! Well gal hope you survived this one as well as you did the first! Thanks a lot for the encouragement!

**Romilly**…  How to break the news to you… Well in this fic your assessment of Yotan isn't entirely off, though methinks the boy protests a little too much to be straight in the series...  Still, his buying a cue as to Ran-ma's real gender will be delayed for a while, if ever… 

On a positive note, for you, Schuldig won't be giving up! And there are more roles for our fave evil guys of Schwarz!


End file.
